Beware of Trash in spiritual and healing circles

Studying the Family and Systems Constellations Training module and practice sessions activated the chitt and mann again. It was a good testing ground for neutrality. Despite the very short experience of Sampoorna Samarpan (Total Surrender) and the most benevolent QVSWPP by my side 24 by 7, the antahkaran started playing up every now and then again. i decided to tackle it once and for all when one of my colleagues who has been with Osho for over 2 decades messaged out of the blue about a family constellation workshop with someone called Darshan. Sree Maa had told us many times from the onset that the small self and the psychological make up is our own responsibility and that Sree Maa takes full responsibility only for the Akarmi (non-doer) and Atma. Plus i was studying Systemic Constellations myself, i decided to go for it.

It was the worst decision and remains one of the most rubbish and sickening experiences of my life till date. The first constellation went well. When i went for the second constellation, the facilitator gave stupid advises that i never asked for as i really had gone for a constellation and not some cognitive therapy or a C grade advisory session. What was most surprising was that she herself had said at the start of the day that "you are fed up of receiving advises" and then stupidly goes ahead and gives it herself at the end of the day😖. Instead of a constellation to resolve the energetic block for the feeling of being stuck with money and career, the facilitator gave ridiculous advises that i should study Ayurveda or become a high class slut. Absolutely shocking!

She never did a constellation and just kept barking nonsense without giving me a chance to speak. She went to the extent of asking the participants to say to me "tell her, she is cold and miserable" and like poodles without brains, they said it also of which 2 had never met me before. Only one person who also i met for the first time in that group disagreed with her and voiced it. Till date i thank her for the discernment she kept and not falling low like others as otherwise, i would have definitely hit depression thinking that something is really wrong with me if 5 people in a spiritual healing group were to say so. After a while, she told me to just get off the chair and go with a closing statement that there is a limit to giving. Really!!! i just wondered what was she giving.

i have never come back feeling so abused and harassed as i did from that workshop not only at the hands of the facilitator but the participants too and i take fully responsibility for putting myself through it. Since manan and chintan has always been a part of my life, i really gave thought to what had transpired. Was i really cold and miserable? May be there was a part in me that i was unaware of? i felt zero resonance to it.

i called up my colleague and told her that Darshan had really misbehaved and that she had no business giving such ridiculous advises, she said that she will tell Darshan to speak properly and then goes ahead to tell me of an incident about some friend of hers that was a high class escort and how she ended up getting married to one of her clients!!! i could not believe what i had just heard!!!

For the first time i realized that a lot of people are on the spiritual path but it doesn't necessarily mean they are evolved or enlightened or keep conscience. i got a full dose of spiritual glamour without any essence and massive healer's ego.

i really contemplated what was my learning curve out of the unpleasant experience. At the end of the day, this experience had manifested and i don't deny i sat and cried for what i had put myself through at the hands of a healer. The only answer i could find was 'DISCERNMENT'.

Anyway, the reason i mention this incident is that within a month, like a mother who knows the weakness and vulnerability of her child and what it is going through even when it doesn't voice it's feelings, Sree Maa yet again gave a colossal gift, the gift of sharanagati_/\__/\__/\_

Surrender is the key!

i had already decided not to practice hypnotherapy anymore and unnecessarily activate chitt and manas, my own or of clients but the nature (swabhav) of my doer has always been to keep learning new things. i had participated in a few family constellations workshops in 2013/14, had found them very interesting which gave a different dimension to healing and so decided to study the modality when i came to know in June 2015 that a Family Constellations training workshop (3 levels spread over a couple of months) was being organised in Mumbai. The first module was within 25 days. i did not have leave on the requisite days and my flying schedule had already been released, so my only option was to swap flights and travel to Mumbai on days off. i must have sent out at least 200 swaps and messaged colleagues to kindly accept the swap but all got rejected. 3 days before the commencement of the workshop, the last swap got rejected and there was no way i could have made it for the training. i finally surrendered and fully accepted that this was not manifesting. There was no disappointment or unpleasant feelings, just an acceptance that QVSWPP, Sree Maa Shri Ji know what's best for me, an understanding and knowingness that had come from over 4 years of experience.

2 days later, i woke up to a message from a colleague saying that she had seen my advertisement for the days off that i wanted and was happy to swap but hadn't checked if the swap was valid. i had only half an hour to check if the swap was valid and for my colleague to accept as the legality for rostering system is that all swaps will expire 24 hours before flight departure time. Unbelievably, the swap was valid and within the next couple of hours, i found myself on a flight to Mumbai to attend the Family and Systemic Constellation training.

i wondered how everything had manifested and what was my learning out of it. i had tried everything possible to get days off, but nothing manifested. i had embodied the akarmi and didn't have any expectation of the result but what surprised me was that i did not experience even a twinge of disappointment or complaint in my thoughts and inner dialogue. This was new and 2 days later everything had fallen into place. Amazing😍. This state was somewhat similar to the state of surrender i had experienced in Nov 2011 where i had uttered a prayer to Sri Sri asking him to send into my life that's best for me but this time, i did not even utter a prayer to Sree Maa. i was in total acceptance. For the first time i had an experience of true surrender where i didn't ask for anything even in the form of a prayer and operated from utmost Trust naturally🙏🙇

Little was i aware at the time that the course content of May-June 2016 Taupo Retreat would revolve around Total Surrender (sampoorna samarpan) of which i had experienced a very small taster🙏🙇

Akarmi v/s Antahkaran

i felt elated after the prolific May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat and i was finding it difficult hiding the joy i was feeling from within. Listening to devotional songs took me in a different zone of bliss altogether which had never happened before. Earlier, i listened to bhajans at loud volume to cut out mental noise and to allow the vibration of the chant bring energetic shifts. For the first time, i experienced how people would feel ecstatic by visiting temples in ancient Bharat and singing devotional songs. i could feel it sitting at home or in my hotel room 🙇💕.

i started researching the net for bhajans and sent them to Sree Maa if they were suitable to be circulated amongst the FiTs. Sree Maa selected a few to be circulated that were easy to sing, if not comprehend and left the tough Sanskrit ones out. i was enthralled at how much Sree Maa cared for everyone and truly was an exceptional mentor who had literally given birth to the akarmi in all of us and had been nurturing it like a mother🙏i felt immense gratitude and respect for Sree Maa and Shri Ji and based on all feedbacks everyone had given during and after the Retreat, even Dallia/Iphigenie Amoutzias/Meera to some extent, i assumed everyone felt the same and experienced similar shifts if not paramount ones that i did. This assumption and blindly believing everyone for what they said costed me and my most dear Sree Maa and Shri Ji dearly in 2016/2017.

Embodying the non-doer fully was really beautiful to which the Kosmic Bhagwad Gita was sheer indulgence. The discourses on Shrimad Bhagwad Geeta didn't make as much sense as they did after the retreat. The shift was so phenomenal that it marked the cessation of hypnotherapy clients for me. i couldn't bear to listen to the mental and emotional woes of clients that i knew were just the density of the Sukshm sharir (subtle bodies) and the True Soul/Atma is so pure, totally devoid of the slush of the Antahkaran. i felt i would be a cheat if i continued with the sessions and did not introduce people to the treasure i had found, QVSWPP, the gift of Grace by beloved Sree Maa and Shri Ji_/\_

After a while, 4 antahkarans namely mann (mind), buddhi (intellect), chitt (emotive mind), ahankar (ego) started acting up again. It was shocking to realize that despite the magnanimous gifts and blessings from Sree Maa to embody the akarmi, anatahkaran still worked like a hard core programme that needed constant monitoring and cleansing to avoid dust and slush settling as thoughts and emotions. What was a relief and quite astounding though was that with just a little effort of tuning-in with QVSWPP, akarmi took the reigns back in no time and told it off that "sorry, you are not in control anymore." i was very aware of the Self witnessing the antahkaran and not get embroiled in its drama.

Kosmic Bhagwad Gita

Immediately post the May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat, Kosmic Bhagwad Gita sessions commenced. All FiTs formed an internal what's app group chat for this purpose and posted our questions there which were collated by me. Reader's kindly go through the range of questions that FiTs came up with:

Since the discourses covered a range of topics like Akshar, Akshar swaroop, Brahmroop, Paramatma, Parabrahm and many more Sanskrit terms that most FiTs were unfamiliar with, Sree Maa Shri Ji encouraged all of us to explore Shrimad Bhagwad Gita (Bhagwan Shree Krishna's Teachings to Arjun) as those were going to be the base of all future Teachings and discourses by Sree Maa.

All FiTs looked forward to the Q and A with Sree Maa and i shared the audio recordings of these sessions with all FiTs. Iphiginie Amoutzias/Dallia has sat with me in Sree Maa Shri Ji's Te Atatu house during some of these Kosmic Bhagwad Gita sessions and Jeeya for some sessions. Sree Maa always had at least 2 FiTs and never encouraged one-on-one sessions to completely not give any kind of fodder to the ego to feel special. Such is the kind of care extended by our beloved Guru who knows how the doer can subtly creep back in and has taken full responsibility of nurturing the Akarmi deh 🙏

Nandini had already been listening to Bhagwad Gita discourses by BK Usha and Sree Maa asked her to share the links with everyone. Since the characters were unknown to most FiTs, Sree Maa was most gracious to research and recommend links of You Tube videos on synopsis of characters of Mahabharata with English subtitles that would be easy to follow by FiTs hailing from different countries and cultures. We all did our own research from the comforts of our own homes🙏😇

Shrimad Bhagavad Gita- Drama (7 hours)

Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TCqYBp9lz0
Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkaWAE_rUtE
Part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGamz97Ct2Y

BK Usha's explanation on the secrets of Bhagavad Gita (in English) - (9 Hours)

Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A57RWl7L1ak
Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kfk7s1sQjI
Part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNmH0JrNm1I
Part 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1a2rFF6ZS6I
Part 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou_VfaU-RTE
Part 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqxSWkUdTrk

Final goal of Kosmic Fusion

Sree Maa Shri Ji had mentioned in 2012, also in one of the FiT calls in 2014 and again revealed over one of the dinners in the May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat about the final goal of having a place/space where the non-frequency, formless form that can't be seen but only felt energetically was to be installed and anchored. People only had to walk into the space to have self-realization about their dark/shadow/small selves and the 3D/4D dense obsolete grids would fall off without having to go through peeling the onion layer by layer. 

What a fantastic ultimate goal that made sense after the Akarmi deh and Samdarshi initiations and that with Sree Maa Shri Ji, something so spectacular and unbelievable to the mind was absolutely possible!🙏 A few of us floated the idea of an Ashram trial Project for this purpose and to take it as a testing ground if we were capable of running an Ashram in the future. 

Around this time, Jeeya took on the role of Sree Maa's PA.

My inner knowingness of something major emerging in the May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat turned out to be absolutely true with the birthing of Niranjana, the akarmi deh and layers of my old self dying and really stepping back. Thank goodness, i listened to my inner calling and allowed the process to unfold instead of running to a doctor to take anti-depression pill for quick relief and slow/halt the process. The entire 10 days of the May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat had been phenomenal with non-stop Grace consistently showered by Sree Maa Shri Ji 🙏 Utter bliss and lightness replaced the low feelings that i had experienced earlier💞

Sada Apki AbhAri rahoongi Sree Maa Shri Ji__/\o___/\o___/\o_

Anant and Sampoorna Dhyaan

Sree Maa Shri Ji took all of us a step forward by introducing us to Anant dhyaan and Sampoorna dhyaan. The literal translation of anant dhyaan is a meditational state that is eternal, without any end and Sampoorna dhyaan is complete meditation on the formless form. We all paired up in pairs of two and looked at the partner to see if we could see Sree Maa Shri Ji in him/her. We could keep our eyes open or close them after some time. We kept our hands folded at the heart area in a namaste to honour the aspect of the Absolute in the other. This was an advanced technique to really merge all of us together and to be able to see Sree Maa Shri Ji, the common link that brought all of us together, in each of us and not the personality that we carried. i was able to see Sree Maa Shri Ji's photo in no time when i looked at my partner Jwala and experienced stithi pragnya in Sampoorna dhyaan. i felt so steady. This was the first time i had experienced it to this degree.

When we all shared our experiences, no one had seen only Sree Maa or only Shri Ji. We had seen them together as one. This was a validation to me that Sree Maa and Shri Ji were in two bodies but One at the level of the Atma and this oneness was in us too. Sree Maa Shri Ji had been displaying this to us symbolically from the start but i failed to realize that until this exercise was done. Sree Maa Shri Ji had then revealed to us that this kind of fusion was to be released to the world only in 2022 but was shown to us earlier, such was the level of trust and compassion Sree Maa Shri Ji kept on us🙏🙏🙏

Sree Maa Shri Ji always taught us that we are nobody to judge and that the potential of the Absolute is in everyone. They had brought me to many self-realizations over all these years that i was in Kosmic Fusion by sharing QVSWPP with me 24 by 7 that had weaved a unique journey for me. Self-realization was in its final culmination in this prolific retreat that the more one operates as the akarta -akarmi and stays in the state of stithi pragnya, the Grace that we had received from Sree Maa Shri Ji would touch others too via us in non-doing. Sree Maa Shri Ji's training ground was profound where you don't judge others out of the mask of the ego or practice fake niceness but truly practice being nice from the state of akarmi, the outcome of which is Grace touching even the densest of beings in non-action via QVSWPP__/\o___/\o__/\o_ Whatever Sree Maa taught, Sree Maa and Shri Ji displayed it to me by practicing it themselves. 'Practice what you preach' was followed to the T and that won the highest regard in my eyes for Sree Maa Shri Ji🙏🙇

Sree Maa Shri Ji introduced us to more Sanatana Dharma concepts like adi, anadi, chit, achit, told us about 'deh daman' to tackle the karmi (doer) and any residual karmic energies in the subtle bodies. We listened to and sang devotional songs like Moola mantra, Achyutam keshavam, Gurur Brahma Gurur Vishnu. All songs resonated very well, especially the Moola mantra which i hadn't heard before.

Moola mantra:

Om Sat Chit Ananda Parabrahma
Purushottama Paramatma
Shri Bhagvathi Sameth
Shri Bhagvathe namah

Hari Om Tat Sat



Sree Maa Shri Ji also introduced us to a new greeting 'Hari OM BrAhmn' and had explained the meaning of it. i don't remember the meaning but was very happy to greet fellow FiTs and 5D++ Pulsars as Hari OM BrAhmn. It was a reminder for me to see the potential of the same Absolute present in the other that i saw in Sree Maa Shri Ji whom i had accepted as my Guru __/\o___/\o___/\o_

To welcome the akarmi deh, we all did a beautiful chit/achit exercise on the final day. We first bowed down and touched our own feet to acknowledge the karmi deh (doer self) that "i notice you but please don't be a hindrance anymore", then touched our feet to honour the akarmi deh (non-doer) that "i trust you and honour you and in you resides the All-Knowing, All-pervading, unmanifested aspect of the Absolute and you now lead the way" and finally touched feet of each other, the other-selves, the Brahmns by saying Hari OM Brahmn that "i don't see the personality in you anymore but honour your akarmi just like i honour mine"_/\_

Sree Maa Shri Ji did not leave any stone unturned and used unique exercises from Sanatana Dharma to help all of us move into the akarta - akarmi and bond _/\_

Main Apki atyant AbhAri hoon aur sada rahoongi Sree Maa Shri Ji🙏🙇

Akarmi deh, Samdarshi

The new me that hadn't settled in Transcendence finally emerged in the Akarmi deh initiation😍This initiation was the culmination of what i had been experiencing since the start of 2015. My old self completely took a back seat and Niranjana, the akarmi entirely took birth with the Akarmi deh initiation.  This was a colossal gift from Sree Maa Shri Ji where effortlessly the akarmi came forward. Had an inner knowingness that what required consistent awareness and effort earlier was now going to be the way of life.

After the initiation, i felt revived and fully ready to accept the new name that i had given consent for before the Retreat. Sree Maa had written down all the names on the board, and we all tried guessing our own names. i related with quite a few surprisingly and loved my new name chosen by Sree Maa. Niranjana means pure and untainted, without any falsehood🙏 All the names were attributes of the non-doer. Every time we took each others' akarmi names, we were reminding ourselves of the unchanging attributes of the akarmi. For instance, Archita means one who has surrendered to God. Every time i called her by that name, i was reminding myself that the akarmi is always surrendered to God. Every time i called Mala, it reminded that all akarmis are connected with one another with the common string Sree Maa Shri Ji and together we all resembled a beautiful garland spreading the fragrance of love, the QVSWPP. How absolutely beautiful!💖 atyant AbhAr Sree Maa Shri Ji 🙏

Embodying the akarta - akarmi was ultimate for me. i felt i had reached the pinnacle of what would have taken me aeons to achieve. Sree Maa Shri Ji, being the ultimate embodiment of love and grace, showered yet another blessing of Samdarshi, the cherry on the cake.

Samdarshi loosely means 'like God' With this initiation, we were given the blessing to not look at the Absolute from the outside but carry IT within us. This was SreeMaaShriJi honouring us. Sree Maa introduced the concept of Nar and Narayan, where Nar carries an aspect of Narayan. In practical life, with this beautiful initiation, none of us would receive any mirrors from outside, but Sree Maa Shri Ji and fellow FiTs would be our only mirrors. No more lessons would be taught by anyone. Sree Maa Shri Ji would teach the last few remaining lessons of the jivatma (incarnational soul) gently and with love🙏🙏🙏 atyant AbhAr Sree Maa Shri Ji for such ultimate Grace.

As i look back and reflect, one of my biggest mistakes and contribution towards the failure of FiT programme, enabling the narcissists and victimising Sree Maa Shri Ji was the faulty application and understanding of the Samdarshi initiation. Will write about my reflections on this in detail soon.

May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat Part 3 - Master FiT

A lot of open discussions, trials and practice rounds were run to arrive at the best format that could be used to take 5D++ AwaKeNiN TrAnsFOrMaTiON (0 to 7) workshop to many. None of us felt confident to host the 2 days format like Sree Maa Shri Ji. Sree Maa gave us the option to come up with our own formats too but that was collectively rejected by everyone as was against Oneness that we all were working towards and if we came up with our own formats, where was Kosmic Fusion? We all knew that the Session 0 could only be done by Sree Maa Shri Ji which meant that the workshop always would require Sree Maa Shri Ji to be present for Session 0 at least.

Cutting a long story short, it was collectively decided to set up the stage in such a way where as FiTs, we only held space, always staying in non-action and allowing the process to unfold for the participants. To make it easier for everyone, that is, for the FiTs to always remember that it is only Sree Maa Shri Ji who can remove 3D/4D dense obsolete grids and are the bringers of this superb upgrade to souls who are ready and also to introduce Sree Maa Shri Ji to new-comers who had no clue how this advanced work is being offered and by who it is being done, it was collectively decided to keep Sree Maa Shri Ji's photo in the room and a 2 to 3 hours super-sonic short-cut format was decided upon to reach many more people 🙏

Potential questions that could be asked by the participants were discussed and the best answers were collated to maintain consistency in all regions🙏 An "after-care email" was to be sent to all new 5D++ Pulsars after the 5D++ AwaKeNiN TrAnsFOrMaTiON workshop that gave them clear information about how to contact Sree Maa Shri Ji, how to tune-in with QVSWPP, how to easily integrate the process etc. and a 'tune-up call' to be held after a minimum of 21 days with Sree Maa Shri Ji where all new 5D++ Pulsars would be able to meet Sree Maa Shri Ji and ask questions🙏

Sree Maa Shri Ji have given so much space and trust, listened to what we had to say, kept the myriad cadre of FiTs and their weaknesses and strengths in mind, what the souls of the new participants would need, to help us strengthen and never deviate from the core principle of being the Akarta -Akarmi, non-doer, this new format was approved by Sree Maa Shri Ji to take the vision and mission of Kosmic Fusion forward🙏💫

This was an excellent platform for all FiTs to develop their own faith and trust in Sree Maa Shri Ji that Sree Maa Shri Ji would shower the same Grace on new participants just in a span of 2 hours when each of the FiTs had had a different process ranging from days to months🙏💞

atyant AbhAr Sree Maa Shri Ji for trusting me and giving me a superb platform to volunteer in non-action 🙇

May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat Part 3 - Master FiT

It took me a while to fully integrate and absorb the pulse and shift that the Silent Guru Mantra initiation graciously given by Sree Maa Shri Ji brought. i viewed Sree Maa Shri Ji very differently from this day on. The casualness, 'the cool dude' attitude that i sometimes kept receded and a different kind of respect, adoration and gratitude dawned, a bond between a Guru and a student where both mutually accept one another. i had fully accepted SreeMaaShri Ji for the remarkable brilliance and utmost compassion they tried to conceal under selflessness and humility and Sree Maa Shri Ji accepted me despite the apparent flaws of the doer. Sree Maa Shri Ji's brilliance and compassion outshined and resonated so soundly that the akarta - akarmi in me felt ready to surrender in Sree Maa Shri Ji's lotus-feet and the doer for a change, wasn't coming in the way. Interesting!

The next 4 days of the Retreat was only for the FiTs which was a continuation of the Transcendence. There were 19 of us. Sree Maa Shri Ji started the retreat with an interactive discourse about "why vegetarianism?" It was layered with sense of humour. Remember all of us bursting into peals of laughter when Sree Maa said that if anyone forces you to have meat, say that 'i will only eat it only if you are ready to serve yourself on the plate' 😂
i have been a vegetarian all my life and am aware that at least 4 generations before me have been Jains and strict vegetarians. i have been ridiculed a number of times, one such statement being 'kya bakriyon ki tarah ghaans phoos khati hai! (what grass you eat like goats)' and quite frankly, the ridiculing has come mostly from my own countrymen and utter disbelief from Westerners who hail from a meat-eating culture and have had no exposure to other cultures. Thankfully, the internet has made the world smaller and the awareness towards vegetarianism is on the rise worldwide due to health concerns, spirituality, no cruelty to animals etc. Sree Maa's sense of humour weaved with Absolute Truth was a breath of fresh air💕

As i mentioned earlier, the FiT training has always been about Manan and Chintan. One such session was "to tune-in with QVSWPP, scan and assess where you are with the FiT programme and make a list of your own strengths and weaknesses" This was an exercise i wasn't able to complete properly as the old me had pretty much dissolved and the new me after transcendence hadn't settled fully. i still experienced myself in the transition phase and didn't do the exercise. i wasn't told off for it by Sree Maa or Shri Ji but was fully respected with time and space to integrate the shift🙏