Beware of Trash in spiritual and healing circles

Studying the Family and Systems Constellations Training module and practice sessions activated the chitt and mann again. It was a good testing ground for neutrality. Despite the very short experience of Sampoorna Samarpan (Total Surrender) and the most benevolent QVSWPP by my side 24 by 7, the antahkaran started playing up every now and then again. i decided to tackle it once and for all when one of my colleagues who has been with Osho for over 2 decades messaged out of the blue about a family constellation workshop with someone called Darshan. Sree Maa had told us many times from the onset that the small self and the psychological make up is our own responsibility and that Sree Maa takes full responsibility only for the Akarmi (non-doer) and Atma. Plus i was studying Systemic Constellations myself, i decided to go for it.

It was the worst decision and remains one of the most rubbish and sickening experiences of my life till date. The first constellation went well. When i went for the second constellation, the facilitator gave stupid advises that i never asked for as i really had gone for a constellation and not some cognitive therapy or a C grade advisory session. What was most surprising was that she herself had said at the start of the day that "you are fed up of receiving advises" and then stupidly goes ahead and gives it herself at the end of the day😖. Instead of a constellation to resolve the energetic block for the feeling of being stuck with money and career, the facilitator gave ridiculous advises that i should study Ayurveda or become a high class slut. Absolutely shocking!

She never did a constellation and just kept barking nonsense without giving me a chance to speak. She went to the extent of asking the participants to say to me "tell her, she is cold and miserable" and like poodles without brains, they said it also of which 2 had never met me before. Only one person who also i met for the first time in that group disagreed with her and voiced it. Till date i thank her for the discernment she kept and not falling low like others as otherwise, i would have definitely hit depression thinking that something is really wrong with me if 5 people in a spiritual healing group were to say so. After a while, she told me to just get off the chair and go with a closing statement that there is a limit to giving. Really!!! i just wondered what was she giving.

i have never come back feeling so abused and harassed as i did from that workshop not only at the hands of the facilitator but the participants too and i take fully responsibility for putting myself through it. Since manan and chintan has always been a part of my life, i really gave thought to what had transpired. Was i really cold and miserable? May be there was a part in me that i was unaware of? i felt zero resonance to it.

i called up my colleague and told her that Darshan had really misbehaved and that she had no business giving such ridiculous advises, she said that she will tell Darshan to speak properly and then goes ahead to tell me of an incident about some friend of hers that was a high class escort and how she ended up getting married to one of her clients!!! i could not believe what i had just heard!!!

For the first time i realized that a lot of people are on the spiritual path but it doesn't necessarily mean they are evolved or enlightened or keep conscience. i got a full dose of spiritual glamour without any essence and massive healer's ego.

i really contemplated what was my learning curve out of the unpleasant experience. At the end of the day, this experience had manifested and i don't deny i sat and cried for what i had put myself through at the hands of a healer. The only answer i could find was 'DISCERNMENT'.

Anyway, the reason i mention this incident is that within a month, like a mother who knows the weakness and vulnerability of her child and what it is going through even when it doesn't voice it's feelings, Sree Maa yet again gave a colossal gift, the gift of sharanagati_/\__/\__/\_

May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat Part 3 - Master FiT

It took me a while to fully integrate and absorb the pulse and shift that the Silent Guru Mantra initiation graciously given by Sree Maa Shri Ji brought. i viewed Sree Maa Shri Ji very differently from this day on. The casualness, 'the cool dude' attitude that i sometimes kept receded and a different kind of respect, adoration and gratitude dawned, a bond between a Guru and a student where both mutually accept one another. i had fully accepted SreeMaaShri Ji for the remarkable brilliance and utmost compassion they tried to conceal under selflessness and humility and Sree Maa Shri Ji accepted me despite the apparent flaws of the doer. Sree Maa Shri Ji's brilliance and compassion outshined and resonated so soundly that the akarta - akarmi in me felt ready to surrender in Sree Maa Shri Ji's lotus-feet and the doer for a change, wasn't coming in the way. Interesting!

The next 4 days of the Retreat was only for the FiTs which was a continuation of the Transcendence. There were 19 of us. Sree Maa Shri Ji started the retreat with an interactive discourse about "why vegetarianism?" It was layered with sense of humour. Remember all of us bursting into peals of laughter when Sree Maa said that if anyone forces you to have meat, say that 'i will only eat it only if you are ready to serve yourself on the plate' 😂
i have been a vegetarian all my life and am aware that at least 4 generations before me have been Jains and strict vegetarians. i have been ridiculed a number of times, one such statement being 'kya bakriyon ki tarah ghaans phoos khati hai! (what grass you eat like goats)' and quite frankly, the ridiculing has come mostly from my own countrymen and utter disbelief from Westerners who hail from a meat-eating culture and have had no exposure to other cultures. Thankfully, the internet has made the world smaller and the awareness towards vegetarianism is on the rise worldwide due to health concerns, spirituality, no cruelty to animals etc. Sree Maa's sense of humour weaved with Absolute Truth was a breath of fresh air💕

As i mentioned earlier, the FiT training has always been about Manan and Chintan. One such session was "to tune-in with QVSWPP, scan and assess where you are with the FiT programme and make a list of your own strengths and weaknesses" This was an exercise i wasn't able to complete properly as the old me had pretty much dissolved and the new me after transcendence hadn't settled fully. i still experienced myself in the transition phase and didn't do the exercise. i wasn't told off for it by Sree Maa or Shri Ji but was fully respected with time and space to integrate the shift🙏

May 2015 Kawai Pura Retreat Part 2 - Transcendence

There were many discourses given as always and Sree Maa Shri Ji encouraged everyone to bring their questions to transcend out of the layers of avidya (lack of knowledge) and agnyan (ignorance).

Sree Maa Shri Ji explained to us about the Guru Mantra and then gave us time to think if we wanted to be initiated into it. As Dakshina, each one of us gave a bad habit that we wanted to get rid off. Guru Mantra was the doorway to be initiated into being a Sanatana Dharmi, the one who lives righteously like an akarta - akarmi (non-doer). All this was explained very clearly.

i already had 3 mantras that i was using to meditate on, two had been given when i was initiated into TM and the third one for Sahaj Samadhi meditation and all 3 had been substantial in my spiritual growth. i didn't know what to do with them and voiced it to Sree Maa Shri Ji. It took 1 minute for Sree Maa to clear away the antar-dwand (inner conflict) i was experiencing based on one of the discourses Sree Maa had given previously and it made sense that all mantras initiated from AUM. i chose to receive the initiation.

During the initiation, the conflict that i had experienced earlier came and stood right in front of me. My own conscience shouted at me for being selfish and betraying my first Guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar who had helped me unconditionally in my time of need. He never forced his teachings and courses on me, i had gone and done them, benefitted from them and chose him as my Guru, taken respite at his Ashram and now suddenly as i found something more advanced and better, i was disowning him. i felt really bad that i was letting him go after selfishly using him, his teachings and his techniques until i wanted to. The tap of tears opened again and i just couldn't move forward to receive the soundless sound mantra. At that moment, i called out to him and he showed up. The closure that he gave me has been instrumental in keeping my faith in the Guru principle and to move forward in truly accepting Sree Maa Shri Ji as my Guru. i still find it very overwhelming to express this part and am taking the liberty to share the audio recording where i shared my experience. Humbly requesting all listeners to listen to it from the recesses of your soul and not the judgement of the ego as i was reeling under very intense emotions and a phase of shift and transformation when i did the sharing_/\_ Gratitude in advance for your understanding and empathy_/\_